My earthly attachment hindered my Tantra journey.
A newfound clarity revealed that my attachments to safety and stability were obstructing my spiritual ascension and growth on the path of evolution. Intuitively, I understood that releasing these attachments would ultimately lead me to a profound connection with the Divine.
Longing to transcend and unite with the Divine, I found myself hindered by my strong grip on worldly matters, preventing me from venturing into the ethereal realm.
An illusory perception of steadiness
Devoid of any prior exposure or familiarity with spirituality or religion, this realization struck me as disconcerting, leading to a personal quandary. Throughout my tantra journey, I had imbibed the notion that assurance emanated from "steering my own fate." Nonetheless, this was a vague notion bereft of clear guidance, frequently leaving me questioning, "Am I on the right path?" How can one ascertain authentic command over their destiny? Thus far, this life pursuit had merely muddled my understanding, leaving me with a sense of confusion, emptiness, and an insatiable yearning.
Upon delving into the profound realms of spiritual Tantra, the very "reality" I had always known suddenly lost its relevance and sometimes felt intolerable. "Reality" no longer had the capacity to fulfill me as I had once pretended it did. The challenge emerged in finding a way to bridge the chasm between my origins and my aspirations, mapping a course from where I came to where I aspired to be.
An abrupt sensation of being divided surged within me.
The extent of my exertion in crafting an impeccably harmonious external world became painfully evident following my initial foray into the tantric teachings. I found myself ceaselessly adapting my conduct to avert any semblance of discomfort in others. This internal struggle prompted the question, "What does the truest version of myself entail?" Such inquiries inundated my heart and besieged my thoughts. Upon attempting to reintegrate into my customary existence subsequent to unveiling the illusory façade through tantric insights, I endeavored to meld my former life with this newfound path. However, it wasn't long before a sense of conflict emerged.
My affection for my family and friends remained steadfast, yet a sudden divide seemed to manifest between our worlds. Though my care for them ran deep, I felt a responsibility to impart the transformative knowledge I had gained. These teachings had profoundly altered my life, holding the potential to liberate them from their anguish and bewilderment. Yet, my endeavor to uplift their souls began impeding my own evolution.
I made the decision to release.
In due course, my spiritual journey transformed into an unwavering commitment, igniting an insuppressible yearning that demanded my attention. Thus, I reached a pivotal juncture where a compassionate decision was imperative. I opted to release. I opted to permit my loved ones to traverse their individual life paths without my further intervention. This was a choice for liberation – not just for me, but also for those close to me. Ultimately, I opted for myself.
I embraced a revitalized version of myself – one characterized by a resolute stance in favor of solitude. A self that didn't contort excessively to mollify the discomfort of others nearby. This was a self confidently embarked on a personal odyssey with unmistakable clarity and unwavering courage.
An experience marked by a mixture of emotions.
The process of relinquishing was a blend of bitter and sweet. Upon freeing myself from the weight of rescuing my friends and family and wholeheartedly embracing spirituality, I experienced an incredible sense of liberation. However, I couldn't evade the aftermath of solitude and the ache that accompanied this journey.
Over time, I embraced the challenge willingly. To me, it served as validation that I was unquestionably treading the authentic path, and relinquishing was precisely the step I needed to take. I have continued to advance my spiritual education. Each subsequent course unfolds as another milestone of self-discovery, affirming my alignment with the correct trajectory.
In hindsight, I recognize that what I encountered and shared with you constituted a spiritual trial. I'm pleased to report that I transcended this specific trial, aided by the Divine's benevolence. Moreover, I gleaned a profoundly vital lesson—one I aspire to carry forward into any future spiritual trials.
Progress doesn't come without its challenges.
The insight I gained underscores that not all trials are soothing or comfortable. In truth, the majority are demanding, and I believe that's by design. Growth doesn't always come effortlessly or without discomfort. However, if each challenge dismantles one more layer of confusion and illusion, drawing me closer to my authentic essence and self-realization, then the effort is undoubtedly worthwhile.
Ultimately, within this substantial trial of mine, I recognized that I'd rather lead a "solitary" existence in the presence of the Divine than invest in relationships or pursuits that fail to elevate my soul or enrich my existence. If this leads to solitude, I embrace it, for it provides the clarity to perceive my path vividly and will assuredly direct me to live through LOVE.